Q:
Swamiji my best friend died in an accident some days back. Since then I have been in utter sorrow and grief. I look at my parents, my wife and my brother and just see death behind all of them. I feel so weak that the people I love so much, am so attached to, their lives is just as fragile. They are the foundation of my existence and yet can be snatched away any moment. All persuits seem useless. I feel hopelessness. I can't find peace.
Please help me Swamiji.
A :
My dear son, any experience in this world caused by an event, a process or an outcome, is a vital part of the world and has to be accepted, as we accept the world, in toto.
Whether we accept life, recognize it or not, it is the duration between the birth of the body and its death. Neither birth nor death is within our control. In the many developments, events and processes in nature, the biological birth of the body and its death are also included. The normal rule is that the elderly people die leaving the youngsters intact. But very rarely it happens that some young also die. But it is not a rule, but an exception.
Whenever someone dear to us has died, our attention should be focussed on what should be done to fill the gap and see that whoever is dependent on the departed is looked after properly. I think, instead of focussing on the event already taken place and which cannot be reversed, pay your attention to what are the loose ends or gaps you have to and can fill. Simply because one person has died prematurely, it does not mean that others also will do so. It is wrong to think adversely.
The twin attitude Shrimad Bhaagavatam proposes is, neither desire to live, nor desire to die, because life is indefinite and death is definite. If death is definite, why desire it at all? It will take place in its own irresistible manner. If life is indefinite, why crave for it either? So, there is a level of the mind, which is beyond this preference and prejudice, which verily adorns it with the immortal crown.
We are not to be eaten up or destroyed by the pairs of opposites. We have to judiciously and discreetly transcend them. Our mind has the potential and possibility for it. This is called Spiritual sadhana. Remaining within the mind and intelligence, tackle every objective situation and impact, to dissolve it consistently.
Be sure of it, and spend your time thinking more and more about this aspect, the higher aspect of human life. Do not lose heart at all. Whatever the departed Soul had fostered as his wishes or values, keep them in your mind, incorporate in your own life and pursue them with all fondness and feeling. This is the nitya-shraaddha for the departed.
Think over the matter and you will find peace and harmony. You may write to me or contact me again. I wish you all strength, composure and harmony,
