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Harih Om Tat Sat. Jai Guru. Jai Guru.
It was in 1960s that the first part of my parivraajaka life began in Kerala. I am not sure whether it transpired in 1960s or late 1950s. There we wanted to travel in an aimless manner with no money or other facilities with us. The beginning was alright. But on the second day particularly a priest belonging to Chelakkara somehow felt a fascination for us and he immediately invited us home, gave us some idlis and coffee. But we did not leave the place. They wanted us to stay with them. Either the same day or next day he had a plan of making us address the whole villagers, Brahmin residents of Chelakkara. They have something called a refectory associated with the temple and they put two benches together and asked us to sit on the bench and address them. I don’t know how many people were there but certainly more than hundred or may be 150 people were there. That one event announced us as speakers, lecturers and exponents of our spiritual culture and literatures.
So the parivraajaka life continued. But it did not continue in the manner in which we had thought of. People used to invite us to different places for giving series of discourses. And like that we were travelling from place to place. I used to go to different places in Kerala from North to South, every time speaking for about fourteen days or twenty one days two hours in the evening six to eight. This kind of a life continued intensely for two years, I think. Generally this Vedanta is a subject which would be spoken of in a traditional manner and if at all three, four, or five people would listen to the talk. But when I was talking I found that hundreds of people used to gather.
There was occasions when I was taken to some places and I would either stand before the mike or sit. When I begin, there will be four or five or ten people. But as I progress in about five minutes the number would swell to fifty, sixty, hundred, two hundred, like this. This was a feature. May be I had thought about why this was so. Because everywhere I found this spirituality has a very deep connection with our mind, our character, our behavior, and interaction. When we speak of character, behavior, and interaction many people think in a big and high level. But our character is constant with us. Behavior is visible and intermittent. Interactions also are so. But this character, behavior, and interaction are primarily centered in one’s own family. How do you deal or how do you conduct yourself within the household? In the house you will have some elderly members; you may have some younger members. One will be in the pedestal; two will be at least in the pedestal of parents. Others will be elder brothers, may be younger brothers, sisters, etc. In my case all were elders, I was the youngest.
Now how do we interact with the people? And while interacting, what do we learn? I see the behavior of my mother, father. I also see the behavior of the elder brothers. What are the thoughts that enter our mind? What are the responses or reactions that accrue? How the others are behaving? I think there is a lot to be understood and gone into so far as our as our own character and behavior and interactions within the family are concerned. And from the family we exit and go to the societal front. As young children our behavior in the school with the class mates is very important. Then apart from the class mates we will have some members of the society wherever you are living. Your behavior with them, this behavior may not necessarily be physical and interactional. How do you look at them? What is your reaction or response to the others? Many people you may like or may not like. How does the mind think about them? Do you find anybody to be a model or an example? Or do you find deficiencies? If you find deficiencies, how do you explain them or understand them? And then after noticing deficiencies or irregularities in others what are you going to do so far as your own behavior is concerned? I think it is a lot to be gone into. Somehow or other I felt that the spirituality and philosophy must bear upon all these things. Character-the constant coordinates of the personality, behavior-the intermittent visible traits, reactions to what you see, and inspirations or instigations of what you do, speak, and think.
Now when I look into spirituality I find everything is centered on this particular front. So in all my talks I used to speak about how people behave, act, react, etc. When I speak about ishta and anishta, likes and dislikes, I would say you are in a family. There are about five or six members in the family, Everyday they cannot prepare subjis which you like or others like. Then you prepare two or three items and all of them may not be equally liked by all. So whatever items are there which you don’t like, you cannot refuse. Think that your dear and loving mother has made it and therefore keeping the dearness and love you have for the mother even if you dislike the subji, that dislike you should overcome mentally keeping the love and fondness you have for the mother and making a consideration for the others, it cannot be a subji all days for you alone, others also have to eat. So overcome this dislike which you have and put a measure of liking which you have for your mother and use it. I used to explain in this manner. I don’t know why. Now you can imagine how I used to explain the whole of spiritual values. And this process went on. Maybe people liked them I don’t know. Otherwise why should they hear?
I used to speak in Trichur. Highly intellectual people used to come. High Court Judge was there. There was one person. He would come and stand with his stick standing for the two hours and listening to. There was a writer Puthezhutthu Raama Menon by name. He used to come, sit and listen to our talk. He was himself a very good speaker, humorous speaker, witty speaker and very prudent speaker. In spite of it he used to stay. I still remember how he valuated our talk in the first year in a very humorous, critical and highly critical manner. These Swamijis are talking so very well. It is a very, very beautiful and powerful flow of Ganges. But it is not the flow that Ganges has after it has descended from the terrain and flowing on the plains. It is that powerful flow before Haridwar. So people have to be careful in getting in and taking bath in this season. This is how he spoke, very humorous person. We were speaking Vedanta in such a powerful and practical manner. Then he said, “What they say is absolutely right, it is Ganges also. But if you want to enter and then take a bath you will be taken by the current.” So there were many such remarks.
Now why I suddenly tell you this because Prasanna had asked me to give a rendering on my pre-Sannyasa life. I asked him, “What are the thoughts that you want me to present?” So he had given me a two page write up presenting a number of questions. So suddenly I was thinking about what shall I tell in answer. So when I go back, just I was thinking. I don’t remember any day or time when I sat on my mother’s or father’s lap, my mother embrace me and gave me a kiss; I don’t remember any such day. Then when do I remember, from what point of time do I remember my life? When did I know that I was? I am not able to get an answer.
When did I know that I was the last child of my parents? My father was a very powerful person, sometimes like a tyrant I should say. He was very much given to punishment. So my thoughts were going to how he was punishing. My brother immediately elder to me was very mischievous on the one hand and he was very disobedient also. So you can imagine before such a powerful father what will be the plight and the fate of a disobedient and mischievous son. We had a tamarind tree. The tamarind tree branches are very flexible. To some extent they are mildly thorny also. So the tamarind branch is generally cut and taken and it is made into a long flexible, I don’t know whether I can call it stick, it is almost like a cane. This is generally used for beating children. My father must have used quite a number of them. And he was punishing my brother so cruelly and intolerably. And poor I was standing a helpless witness to it. I could not interfere but mentally I did not agree with what my father was doing. But I could not help.
But I don’t remember to have beaten by my father. But why is it that my brother was so much beaten and he did not change his nature also. So I was remembering these things. My father had only one intention that the children should be very, very good and they must climb great heights. And poor father had nothing else to do than punishing them. Because he was not able to help the children either to study or to learn or anything like that. But he had a great intention. In spite of what I saw, I have great regard for my father even now. I am very humorous type of person and I had made fun with my father even when I became a Sannyasin. By putting his head on my lap and stroking it and asking him, “Do you feel shy? You have not expressed your fondness to your children when you were young. Now all that memory and deficiency comes to you. That is why you have problem”. I used to speak like this. So my mother told me that the first time he wanted to beat me I embraced him. Then he said, “All the children I have beaten. This child I will bring up without beating”, and threw his stick below. This I remember to have heard from my mother. So perhaps there was an embracing attitude in me. Otherwise why should I have done it? This is something that I remember. So I was thinking about what I shall give in answer to Prasanna’s questions.
Harih Om Tat Sat. Jai Guru. Jai Guru.
