Part 3 of a 5 Part Article Reproduced from the Monthly Magazine Vicharasethu August 1968
Sublimation of sex, and marriage
Let us now take up the question of how best the natural sex urges can be sublimated.
Marriage is a well-thought-out arrangement, a vyavastha, a kind of institution, moral and spiritual. It has the sole aim of allowing man and woman, the male and the female youths, to indulge in sex acts, but in such a manner that their sex urges undergo a process of gradual sublimation. As long as this institution, namely marriage, remains in force naturally, no boyb or girl must take the liberty of involving themselves in sex acts, before they get formally married. If they rightly understand this principle and resolve to live by it, then the present problems of immorality are almost solved, readily. It is possible that unmarried youngsters at times get pestered by sex feelings. At all such times, what they should do is to admonish themselves properly about the need for celibacy. They must sincerely tuitor themselves that the instincts will have to remain sub-meged, until they get formally married, While many kinds of feelings and temptations may arise often, in our mind and body, surely, we should not carry, all of them into action. Wisdom demands that we should examine them, check them, wherever necessary. Anything, harmful, wrong, immoral or unethical by the very fact of being so, is to be scrupulously avoided. Therein alone lies the success of human life.
Thus, it is a right understanding of the ideals, and a deliberate effort to cling to them at all times, that must act as a protecting force. So, you must set your ideals first, culture them constantly, with deep love and regard, in your mind and intellect, and by that very means, sublimate your lower nature and promptings. This is certainly possible, provided you can take to it with all your heart and soul. We must realize that the vyavasthas, institutions, arrangements, like marriage and the like, have been evolved by our forefathers with all care, concern and wisdom, for the sake of welfare of the individuals as well as the society which they constitute. A strict observance of such institutional disciplines will alone make us better boys and girls, better men and women, in short make our lives really human, social and spiritual. There is no escaping of this fact. Once you understand that this is so, that understanding will itself guide you aright all through. I repeat that it is understanding, knowledge, that corrects and improves man most efficiently. Our youngsters must become wise and thinking. They must grow up to become well-meaning citizens, extremely civic and social minded, moral and guarded in all their actions, thus paving their way for achieving the aims of individual fulfillment and social well-being. To have the thought of the individual alone, at the same time to live as a member of the Society but disregarding the social cannons, is wrong and disgracing indeed.
The Ideal of Householder Life
After marriage too, the issue of celibacy does not become any less important. But the householders, as a rule, do not understand this cardinal truth. They are adamant in viewing marriage as a free and open licence for leading an unrestricted sexual life. Their view is wrong, damaging, and has to be corrected forthwith, it our society has to be saved from most of the present ills.
The true object of marriage is two-fold. One is the begetting of progency, for the purpose of continuing the race. The other is the sublimation of the Nature-born sexual propensities. If the householders foster the principle of aggravation, instead of sublimation, with regard to marriage and married life, the outcome cannot but be destructive. Every minute, instead of improving upon their physical and mental qualities, they would be causing their degradation. If sublimation is a positive step, constructive and beneficial in all respects, aggravation is the negative one, destructive and harmful in all respects. The present degeneration in the moral and ethical standards of men and women, about which thinkers in all levels talk so much, is the result of such negative step taken by the preceding generations.
Fire is hot, whether you know it to be so or not. And it is bound to burn you, if you are not careful in handling it while cooking your food. After handling fire carelessly, when you get burnt, there is no point in pleading that you did not know about its burning property. Similar is the case with the wrong view taken with regard to marriage and the conduct of married life. The lack of proper insight in this respect is attended with disastrous effects, whether the married persons know about them or not. The ill-directed married life is a wild fire indeed, and once it starts spreading itself, it is difficult to check it any way. I am afraid the present society is suffering from the scorches and burns caused by such a wild fire. If we do not take proper steps to arrest the further spreading of this fire, the outcome would be still worse and extensive.
The presence of the married partner, our Sastras say, is to help man and woman in sublimating their lower nature. Grihasthasrama, or the householder-life, is properly conducted, cannot be considered as any inferior. By leading the ideal married life, the householders, progenitors as they are, can contribute to the society at large, noble and worthy children. This is no small contribution, judged on any basis. A good soul, born to any couple anywhere in the world, is not just a family property of theirs, but an invaluable gift to the human society as a whole. The benefits, which the society would derive from that gift, are incalculable. To make available to the Society the life and services of good and noble souls is, therefore, the best gift that a householder can think of offering. I wonder how many are aware of this aspect of the married life !
How can the birth of good children be ensured ? Good and noble children will be born only to those couples, that scrupulously observe the ideals of restraint, refinement and above all, the practice of celibacy. It is common knowledge the every drop of the vital fluid is vital indeed for preserving the mental and physical health and vigour. The first advantage to accrue from an ideal, well-regulated married life, is therefore the good health of the married persons. It will also go to make the health and spirits of children sound and sustaining. The second advantage is the improvement in the quality of the mind and intellect of the children. Celibacy, to the extent it can be practiced by the householders, definitely will make the mind sustaining the intellect powerful. The children, born of celibate couples (think for a moment what this expression means : couples that do observe celibacy, for considerable intermittent periods) will be found to be more courageous, moral in all their dealings and gifted with sufficient will and insight. These are advantages which no parents can dislike at all !
The Sublimation Process
The need for householders to practice celibacy with full concern, must have become clear to you. I think all of you will regard celibacy as a must in your lives. What is the feasible method for putting this must into effect, is the question to be taken up now. Upon this, I shall quote averse from Srimad Bhaagavatha, eleventh skandha. It is pregnant with meaning and advice :
There are three habits, prevalent in man, normally they are (1) sexual indulgence) vyavaaya (2) flesh-eating and (3) liquor addictedness (aamisha-madya seva). . As these are naturally present in him, there is no question of his being urged on to them. So, what the Sastras aim at with respect to these habits, is to make them submit to a process of regulation and sublimation. For this, man is asked to take recourse to the three religious institutions, or arrangements, namely(1) marriage (vivaaha), (2) yajna ( a sacrifice) and (3) Suraagraha ( a certain kind of religious rite wherein liquor is made use of). The ultimate object of the Sastras is to make man withdraw completely from these unwelcome habits (and seek enjoyment and happiness from his own within, without the medium or assistance of any second factor).
I think the meaning given above is itself quite clear. In the first instance, the fact that humans are generally susceptible to the habits or sex-indulgence and flesh and liquor taking, is recognized.
Recognizing this fact, the sastras are lying down the ways and means, by which these habits can best be regulated and maturated. As far as vyavadya is concerned, the Sastras seek to handle it through the institution called marriage. By taking recourse to marriage, the six-instincts can be given vent to and at the same time effectively matured.
Anything natural should not be hindered at all. Hindurance is always opposed to nature. If the sex instinct is something to be obstructed, why should it be there at all ? So, it is for us to use the instinct, allow it to play fairly, but only that. For allowing it a fair play, one should adopt the vyavastha of marriage. It is thus that marriage becomes a moral, social and even spiritual step in the ladder of life. Its sole aim is to ennoble, reform and fulfil both man and woman.
Any act, judged merely as an act, is nothing but bodily or physical movement, and as such cannot be any more than inert. What gives it colour and shape is the attitude and aim which attend it. Attitude with which it is done, and the aim which it seeks to achieve. Remember these two words-attitude and aim. You won’t find these in the animals. And that is why, in spite of their ceaseless activity throughout their life, they do not evolve the least. Attitude as well as aim are creations of the mind and the intellect. As only in the humans the mind and intellect are present, they alone are capable of giving effect to attitude and aim.
I spoke about this only to say that the act of marriage will not bring about any evolution in man, unless it is resorted to in the right noble way. In other words, the proper attitude and aim must be constantly there in those living a marriage life. If you understand the essential nature and purpose of a married life, and then adopt the married life as a mean for maturating your passions, then of course it will turn out to be so, leading you to your aim. On the other hand, i.e. if you think of marriage in any other manner, then it will turn out to be otherwise, leading you to an altogether different aim. This is a scientific secret, or say a psychological tenet :
