12th MAY 1991
New Delhi
Respected Swamiji,
Pranaam, I apologize for having not replied to your letter. Please forgive me. I read your letter very keenly. It was very inspiring. I shall try my best to mould myself into such an individual having so many good qualities.
Swamiji, you have shown me the way, and it is my request that you should show the way from time to time. Please reply to whatever I am asking.
Reading your letter I felt that I can improve myself a lot if I wish. But whenever I read your letter, its impact remains only for some time and then again I come back to my original self. This shows that I am not able to bring about a permanent change in me.
Swamiji, I am good to others outside but am rude to my mummy. What should I do? I do not mean anything bad but my pitch and may be the way of talking, are hurting. Truly speaking, I am an impatient girl, and when I introspect I find so many negative points in me. I would like to know whether there can be any permanent change in my nature.
Another thing I want to know is, whether you give reply even if the questions asked are silly or irrelevant. If yes, then I would be writing whatever I feel about bhakti, God and matters related to Him.
Please forgive me if I have committed any mistake in expressing myself. I hope you will be able to find out some solution for me.
Yours, to be blessed, S.
Dear and blessed S,
Harih Om Tat Sat. I was wondering whether you relished my writing to you, as desired by your mother, explaining what I spoke to you in person at your house. Now I am happy that the letter did interest you. Yes, you may ask any question on any subject. I shall try to answer whenever I have something to, or shall say that I do not know to answer. You may be quite safe and confident.
When you read something, it has an impact on your mind. But the impact is generally short-lived. The sure and permanent change you want to have does not occur. This is characteristic of human nature, and a trouble that everybody suffers from.
We can start only from where we are, as one can walk only with the step permitted by his legs. So, whatever is one’s nature, including rudeness, must first be observed and understood, and then alone he can proceed to improve upon it. In your case, I find the situation rather easy to treat because you have already realized that you are unduly rude to your mother.
If you are rude, and rudeness you want to get rid of, then every time you become rude, the fight is between you and your own mind and behaviour. ‘Mummy’ is only a ‘dummy’ to bring forth your rudeness. When you are rude, your mother finds it bad; but that apart, are you not also defaulting in yourself? Very good that you have realized this.
You know how you behave with others. You also know that the same propriety is not extended to your mother. What more? You replace it with rudeness. Are not the denial and then thrusting something unpleasant, both wrong? Should you not outlive this disparity and be gentle and fair? If not, then who fails, before whom, and for whose disadvantage? Answer these questions. The process will set you right.
Understand that when you are unfair to your mother, you become unfair in your mind. It is like the body growing ugliness. Would you like to be ugly? Let the answer grow into a culture and refinement in you.
Dear S, the immediate reason for the difference in behaviour with your mother is the strength and right of your freedom with her. It is good that you have this freedom. This has brought forth your temperance and susceptibility. In life, one has to express himself first, understand his hidden nature, then evaluate and correct it. Because of the closeness with your mother, you have discovered your irritability and hitting back nature. Now it is your sincerity that you remove this defect. The will and effort to sublimate your temper can start just now. It may take some time for you to succeed well enough. Till then, your mother will have forbearance.
A child is born of the mother, and it grows in her lap. Closeness and freedom the child enjoys cannot be questioned or denied. But as years pass by, the child becomes an adult. The transition will be in the mind also. Some are able to take in this transition and grow well. As we are bred and nursed by the parents, on growing we must be even better to nurse and ‘breed’ them, if and when necessary. Gratefulness, humility and modesty are the best behavioural traits.
So, S seems to be growing into adulthood. While the body grows, the mind may lag a little behind. If the truths are grasped and reflected upon, the mind’s growth will be helped.
Three kinds of behaviour are necessary for any adult: towards elders, towards those younger to us and towards friends and others of our age. The first should reflect respect, obedience and consideration. Such qualities act as healthy restraints in us. With the younger generation, we must be careful, considerate and exemplary, because they will learn from us. In the third case, there is enough scope for freedom, because it is between equals.
Now is the time for you to learn the first and make the behaviour a good culture and refinement in you. Let your mother be the mirror to reflect your success. If your mind accepts these points, may be six months will be needed to see you un-rude before your mother. S will prove to be the best friend and helper to her mother.
Love and ashirvad. Write what transpires.
Antaraatma
Swamiji.
