Part 5 of 5 Reproduced from the Monthly Magazine Vicharasethu February 1969
The Lesson of Contrast
The truth about the lesson of contrast is not applicable to religious actions or rituals alone. It is valid for all our secular actions as well. We go on doing various karmas and beget their results, but ultimately what for? Only to learn that neither the actions nor their fruits are, in fact, the factor that makes us happy or unhappy. Happiness or unhappiness is the direct result of the mind's state or conditions. A disturbed mind, a mind that remains constantly in a state of flux or vibration, a mind that goes on projecting itself outward through the sense doors uncontrollably, is sure to bring in unhappiness by that very process. On the other hand, if it remains in a state of equipoise and calm, therein itself will peace and happiness well forth in abundance. The importance of this lesson will become obvious to one only when he has lived, for a considerable period, a bodily sensory life moved by various desires. (In other words), a spell of intense activity and desire is required, to maturate our being, season our mind, refine our intellect and finally to make us enquire earnestly for Truth.
Do not you think that this principle, because it is a universal good one, will hold natural in the sphere of sex and the sex habits also? It will, surely. That is why the married life is prescribed for all adults and their well-wishers invariably consider it their duty to get them (the adults) married in time, However before proceeding to handle or give vent to one's sex urges, he should know for certain how best it has to be done, particularly with a view to outlive the urges at least gradually. Just by giving vent to these urges after resorting to married life, no one can claim having heeded them rightly, in conformity with Nature's designs. Right heeding will become complete only when one succeeds in achieving satisfactory release, nivritti, from the basic sex propulsions.
Now, it is not the mechanical bodily indulgence as such that will ensure nivritti for anyone. As already pointed out, any act is the mere movement of the body or the mind, and on that ground it is no more than inert. It is the attitude and aim accompanying the act that really gives shape and force to it. So the success in attaining nivritti from sex urges lies in cultivating the right attitude and aim towards the indulgence. For this, the married person's should know clearly that sex-movements are only a temporary phase of their life. And hence indulgence in it, should be considered akin to the use of a poisonous drug. Every time they seek indulgence, they should maintain in themselves mentally that it is something to be overcome, to be cast aside, sooner or later. Nay, the sooner itself. If indulgence is resorted to with such a firm idea, every time it will exert a strong maturating effect on them. That is to say, the maturating or progressive effect of the sex life depends not upon the actual indulgence as such, but the cultivation of the above idea. In the absence of this idea, indulgence will have the opposite effect, the inflammatory effect.
You must know very clearly the adhyatmic truth "karma mokshaya karmani" (the real intention in performing actions, is to enable the actor to ultimately get rid of the actions themselves - release from actions is the goal to be accomplished by their performance). People in general derive only the retrogressive or degrading effect by the performance of actions, both secular and religious, because they do not know, nor even care to know the truth about the matter.
Consider Sex to be a Drug
There is a great difference between taking food and taking medicine, particularly a poisonous drug. We take food as an item of daily need, and for preserving our health. But, this is not the case with medicine. Medicine is a curative item, which we make use of when infected by some disease. When the disease is cured, the drug has to be dispensed with. Thus, while taking the medicine, our object is to effect a cure and thereupon cast it aside for good.
In the matter of sex indulgence too, this should be the rule. It is not a daily must for us, as is food. It is not also a creative or contributory factor, as food. On the other hand it is a corroding or wasteful exercise. There is no doubt about this, judged on any basis of logic. Even uncreative habits, like excretion and expectoration, may be a need. And sexual life is just one such. This point, when understood, every thing about the celibate life of the married persons will become clear. So. what is required in connection with the practice of celibacy by married persons, is that they must go on thinking frequently thus: "I want to get rid of my urges as soon and as pleasantly as I can, and become a celibate. It is to accelerate the process of withdrawal, of nivritti, that I seek indulgence. Every indulgence, or the thought of it, must remind me more and more about the need for withdrawal. Thus, indulgence, like the poisonous drug of the patient, reinforces my attitude of indifference, and my conviction that I have yet to come over it gets consequently strengthened." Once this thinking is pursued, indulgence will be a great positive force in achieving nivritti. In fact there is reference to this method in many places of our Sastras, in connection with various matters. But, as is often the case with most of the truths and truth-seers, these references remain unnoticed. In Geetha, the 3rd chapter, Krishna says the following:-
कर्मेन्द्रियाणि संयम्य य आस्ते मनसा स्मरन् ।
इन्द्रियार्थान्विमुढात्मा मिथ्याचार स उच्यते ।।
यस्त्विन्द्रियाणि मनसा नियम्यारभतेऽर्जुन ।
कर्मेन्द्रियै: कर्मयोगमसक्त्त: स विशिष्यते ।।
Bhagavadgeeta 3.6 and 3.7
Whoever, restraining his physical senses forcefully, keeps away from sensory indulgences, but nevertheless is not able to avoid the mind's habit of thinking about sensory delights, is really a fool, and at best a hypocrite. On the other hand, he, who keeping a vigil in the mental plane over his senses, and adopting the principle of gradual regulation, seeks to pursue sensory indulgences, is high-souled, and in him will grow detachment and dispassion.
These two verses, in short, lay down the tenet that cultivating indifference, not by refraining from sensory indulgences absolutely, but by taking recourse to "tapering indulgence" (indulgence that will gradually reduce further reduce, and finally leave off by itself, in course of time) is the desirable method, and that alone will yield safe results.
The last point
There is only one point more to be dealt with before closing this treatise. From all that is stated above, one may be led to doubt whether I am not holding married life as the better one, and if so, does not the celibate life pursued as a lofty ideal by the unmarried people stand discredited? Does not the latter become inferior and undesirable?
Well. This is a crucial point, on which there cannot be any generalization. Marriage is, I must think, the rule for all created beings. If one chooses to remain unmarried for any notable reason of his, it is his lot and making. A virtue, or an abstinence of any kind, may be resorted to by man for his own purposes, and we cannot simply question it with a view to invalidate his choice. The point I wanted to stress is that for the practice of celibacy as such, unmarried life cannot be considered as a must. Moreover, married life, as such, does not rob man of the chance to practice celibacy and get established in it. We have several examples of high-souled persons who led married life, and still ascended to lofty spiritual heights. Vasishtha, Yajna-valkya, Janaka, above all the Unique Teacher Krishna and many more such others can be taken as illustrations. The married life, the presence of the partner, did not act as a hindrance to them in their spiritual pursuit or philosophical vision. On the other hand, the partner contributed greatly to their maturity, seasoning and self-seatedness.
It is a truth that married life will impose a lot of taxes on us, and on that ground many may think it to be a hindrance to the successful pursuit of their ideals. Persons, devoted to some high national, social or even political ideals, may prefer to remain unmarried, thinking that marriage would apply a check on their social career. That is of course their personal affair, and they should have the option to have their way. There is a great truth that it is the extent of thyaga that one makes that enables him to achieve great successes in the walk of life he chooses to pursue. And as a matter of thyaga, keeping away from marriage, or anything higher than that, will not be any excess. Then to speak of the ideal of sanyasa: Very rarely a soul gets born here or there in the earth, in whom the need for marriage or the thought about playing the role of progenitor does not arise at all. If this really happens, then that soul will have one or more higher roles to play in his life. For the sake of becoming a confirmed celibate, he will not be deficient in regard to the qualities such as love sympathy, sacrifice and the like. All these emotions and virtues he will have plentifully, but nonetheless he will be innocently above the sex urges and conjugal needs. Of course, souls of this order are very very rare in the world, all people say. In regard to such souls, I think there is no comment to be made. Thanks to the Almighty that such specimens are also there, for the sake of whose lives and benign influences humanity must ever be immensely grateful.
However, before choosing to live a celibate life, each man or woman, boy or girl, must calmly observe their physical and psychological natures, and then find out whether the least leaning towards sex delights lingers or lurks in either of them. If there is, it is better to flow according to the current, and not against it.
To sum up, married life and celibacy really go together and they must. The pursuit of married life, avoiding from it the ideal of gaining celibacy is always unnatural and destructive. Such pursuit will ruin man, make him weak bodily and mentally, and hold back from him life's fulfillment and peace.
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